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Just Jen
Careful with the pretty things

Monday, November 27, 2006
You know what's messed up? I'll tell you what's messed up, and the fact that I'm telling you is completely ironic. You'll see. I may ramble.


I've been working on my character flaws ... realizing the only thing I have control over is me, my behavior, my thoughts, my actions, but I still have a hard time with the idea of influence. So I can't control other people, and I know that may seem like an easy concept to digest, but I struggle with it; I think I can influence them. Why should/do I want to though? I'm working on not wanting to do so. This may make absolutely no sense.


What's messed up is that in working on myself, in becoming aware of the fact that I think other people should do certain things, live their lives a certain way, etc., and that I should just keep my mouth shout, I'm suddenly aware of this flaw in other people. I want to shake them and tell them that some things are just none of their business, that they shouldn't judge people they don't know, that they don't know where that other person has been or where that person is going. Hell, they don't even know that about themselves.


But who am I to judge others on their opinion? I shouldn't judge them for judging. You know? So I guess my telling you isn't ironic, it's the fact that I feel this way in the first place. You feel what you feel though, and all I can do is be aware of the feelings and try to accept that we all go our own pace. We have different plans, different ideas. Just because I think my way is the right way doesn't mean another person will agree. I'm starting to become alright with that.


Tuesday, November 07, 2006
I wrote this yesterday.


It's rainy. OK, it's not rainy but wet from the massive downpour of last night. We'll call it the massive downpour of Nov. 5, shall we? I'm original like that.


At first it was rather enjoyable -- last night, the rain and Jeff Buckley. I was listening to that song; you know, the one that mentions rain and shoes, a funeral, and insomnia, though it's mostly about a lover coming over. You know it, right?


Procrastination ... extending one's Sunday in the hopes of delaying Monday ... call it what you will, but I finally ran out of mundane tasks to serve as fuel. I didn't feel like reading, and rational thought had begun to creep in, reminding me why it is that I need sleep. I have no understanding of why I want it at the most inconvenient times and avoid it by ingesting a pot of coffee at 2 o'clock in the morning. There's no explanation for that, so I throw my hands in the air and chalk it up to being difficult, jinxing myself in more ways than the obvious.


I went to bed, and I fell asleep ... for a total of two hours before waking to loud thunder and my son's periodic coughing bouts. Needless to say, I had a hard time getting up once I woke up, which was later than what is required to start things off on the right foot.


I strolled into daycare in the sweats I'm wearing now, bumping into more people than I would have liked before heading home. I'll probably get more done working here today anyway.


Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Random:


I missed posting in October (almost, sort of).
I apparently miss Judd Nelson as well.
Cookie has the best brat pack quote on her blog: "What about prom, Blaine? WHAT ABOUT PROM?!"
It's really all about me, at least I think it is, and I can't help that.
I can't quit listening to Simple Minds.
Someone showed up out of nowhere, and made me nostalgic, hence the prevalence of 80s-influenced thoughts.
Even though I went to college in the 90s and didn't know this person in the 80s.
I'm confident that this is boring you.