Today is my mom's 55th birthday. To celebrate, we took her and Papaw to lunch at Joe's where they showered her with attention -- the kind I normally hate to have directed at me on my own birthday. Mom didn't mind one bit, I'm certain this is because she wanted to see Ryder's reaction to all the hoopla.

When asked her name for the birthday song, she proudly responded, "Nana." The staff sang "Happy birthday, dear Nana ...," and my mother, she wore a cowboy hat and rode a broom around the restaurant. My son was along for the ride.

I'm the kind of girl who may go to a party with her hair down but usually leaves with it up. I go to work in an outfit that is later diluted by the draping of a jean jacket, or a comfy sweater. I prefer to be comfortable most times.

I was thinking it would be a good day today because when I went to the ladies' room at the office this morning, the toilet seat in my favorite stall was up, which meant I was the first to use it. It was brand-spankin-new clean; an obvious sign of a good day. Or so I thought.

Hours later, after a fire drill that consisted of a series of emails and use of the word flabbergasted in regard to this series of emails, I am certain that finding the toilet seat up in the mornings isn't much sign of anything at all.

I lost it ... the superpower of the attitude. I got too busy, but I did have time to continue the heated discussion with my gay neighbor who thinks he's a blood relative of ours. I think I've officially hurt his feelings, so I sort of feel bad. See? I'm giving a shit again.

On a side note, I just found out my pal Amy placed an ad on a wedding site, and she used our photo so we're almost famous now.

Father B, the priest who married me and Brian outdoors in a non-Catholic ceremony (but don't tell the bishop), was traveling through town earlier this week and stopped by to see us. He's a very large, jolly man, and it was Ryder's first time to meet him outside of the womb. They're just about built the same, buddha bellies and all, so they got along swimmingly.

I had a dream last night that I had another baby, a boy, who came out with a full set of teeth.

I'm just now getting to lunch, which may have a bit of a "poor me" implication, but please do not take it as such. I had quite the large breakfast burrito this morning as well as a Hershey bar with almonds so I wasn't exactly hungry during lunch proper.

I just finished a sushi combo and am now having these fudge chocolate chip Grandma's cookies that I truly hate. I hate them, but I consume them quite regularly because they're the only cookies in the vending machine, and I like cookies. When you want cookies, you want cookies, even if they're not the best cookies. Perhaps hate is too strong of a word. I just dislike them -- mainly because they're grainy.

Things are a little off today ... I'm having an "I don't give a shit" day. Today, I don't give a shit if people like me or not. Tomorrow I'll be back to myself needing constant reassurance and the like, looking for lost confidence at the shrink shop, but today, well today, I don't give a shit. I'm not entirely certain as to why I feel this way on this day, but it may have something to do with the medication. I can't be absolutely certain.

Eating sushi earlier reminded me of a friend who takes her chopstick and pokes out the avocado in the center of the crab roll. She does this all the time. I'd suggest she try another roll, but she usually lets me have the avocado. I love avocado. Did you know it's a fantasy of mine to roll around naked in a giant bowl of avocado? Well, it is. Keep that in your pocket for future trivia play.

The good doctor canceled on me tonight, which works well, since I established that I don't need him today. Even though earlier I yelled at a gay man, who suggested that I don't do enough for my mother because his mom is dead and he showered her with gifts and you only turn 55 once. But I'm getting her what she ASKED for, and I sent her a $75 floral arrangement on MY birthday, which incidentally was my 30th and I'm pretty sure you only turn 30 once, too, but you don't hear me complaining that he forgot about it. Do you? He's trying to be the better son, and he's not even related to us.

So yeah, I yelled at him. Because today I do not care if I am well liked. Because maybe I was rude, but at least I was rude outright, which is better than being passively rude in a subtle, "but I didn't mean anything by that" kind of way. You know you were being a bitch, and if you're going to be a bitch, you should DEFINITELY just be one.

This portion of my Monday brought to you by WTF. Peace.

So you know ... the picture of my breakfast includes a Diet Coke and an already devoured fruit & yogurt parfait from the company cafe. Just so you know.

Weird. I dated a guy at the final table of the World Series of Poker. Yeah, the first one, Derick.

He's now sure to place in the top nine, which means he's guaranteed $1,000,000.

We only went out a few times and, since he was a golf pro then, he gave me a few golf lessons.

As for the game, they won't start today until 6 p.m. CT. He won a huge pot towards the end last night so he's now second place in chips. With his chip position, he should make the top three.

I just felt like sharing that. Don't you think I'm cool now?

"In spite of ourselves
We’ll end up a’sittin’ on a rainbow
Against all odds
Honey, we’re the big door prize
We’re gonna spite our noses
Right off of our faces
There won’t be nothin’ but big old hearts
Dancin’ in our eyes."

In Spite of Ourselves
John Prine

There is mush in my head today, and I don't give two shits if that's displeasing to anyone other than me. I can hear the hum of the lights above. I wish I could warm my hands from the bulb wattage and am wondering why it's freezing in this building when it's so warm outside and when, obviously, there are so many watts just buzzing away.

I slept poorly last night for no real reason. At first, I was too hot, then my throat hurt. Then I kept waking up because I had to pee really bad, but I was too lazy to get out of bed and do anything about it ... so I'd doze back off only to wake again from the pressure on my bladder. I finally wandered to the restroom about 5 a.m., cursing the fact that it was already 5 a.m. and way too close to the time I would have to rise for the day.

I just purchased a 32-ounce Diet Coke in hopes that it might wake me up a bit, lift the fog. Perhaps I should have gone for an espresso instead, which may have eliminated both of my problems by warming me up and increasing my alertness. However, the consequence of consuming either beverage is the same -- increased trips to the ladies' room, but at least I'll have the energy to get there.

Lifetime Meme
(Passed to me by Lorie. 'Nuff said)

Ten years ago: I had completed two years at the University of North Texas and had recently changed my major to journalism. I was 20 years old and had been dating my college boyfriend for nearly two years as well. I was drinking a lot but making great grades and attending summer school. I met a crazy guy who encouraged the drinking, someone who left quite an impression on me. AND I got a little six-week-old kitty I named Ellie.

Five years ago: We survived Y2K. My two-year relationship with the live-in, hottie-ex was just beginning to turn sour. We lived in a cute duplex over in Highland Park and frequently walked to Cafe Madrid for Sangria wine. We had good times, before things crumbled. We're still friends today though; he's a good guy but obviously wasn't my Mr. Right. I had been out of college for three years and was working my second job after graduation.

One year ago: I left that second job and joined my current company. I was nearly six months pregnant and very newly married.

Yesterday: It was my birthday ... I felt good wearing a newly purchased dress, enjoyed a fish taco and empanada from OTB at lunch, and also, a birthday brownie. I was harassed in the best way about my age by numerous folks. I took Ryder to the doctor for a follow-up on his ears. I sent my mom flowers and had dinner with her, my husband and our boy, and basically just really enjoyed my family. I ended the evening with a good phone chat with my best girl friend.

Today: I had a 9 a.m. doc appointment and now have two conference calls coming. My dad is babysitting Ryder, so I don't have to deal w/daycare pick-up. I'm happy it's Friday, though we don't have any evening plans as of yet.

Tomorrow: No big day plans, but we have a dinner with friends to celebrate my birthday. We'll probably go see a movie afterward.

Five snacks I enjoy: Hostess Cup Cakes (chocolate w/cream filling and white, squiggly icing on top); McC family brownies; cheese (all kinds); Combos; Reeses bites.

Five bands that I know the lyrics of MOST of their songs: Wilco; Robert Earl Keen; Lenny Kravitz; Jeff Buckley; Blind Melon

Five things I would do with $100,000,000: Pay off all debt -- including my mom's house (or just buy her a new one); buy a BIGGER house for us; buy B a new car; take a major vacation; invest & donate

Five locations I'd like to run away to: New Zealand; Playa del Carmen; Venice; San Francisco; Maui

Five bad habits I have: being too hard on myself and others; procrastinating; smoking; obsessing; tardiness.

Five things I like doing: reading; writing & blogging; laying out; watching movies; spending time with my family

Five things I would never wear: Really, there's not much I wouldn't wear on a bet

Five TV shows I like: David Letterman; SNL; A&E's Intervention; Will & Grace; Ellen

Five movies I like: Sylvia; Amelie; Closer; Boys Don't Cry; Parenthood

Five famous people I'd like to meet: Joaquin Phoenix; Jeff Tweedy; Angelina Jolie; Lucinda Williams; Guy Clark

Five biggest joys at the moment: My baby boy, husband, dogs; Feelin' good again; Happy it's Friday; I'll soon have a Diet Coke; It's about time for lunch

Five favorite toys: as a kid? Speak & Spell; roller skates; markers; bicycle; baby dolls

Five people to tag: um, I'd like to see what Lauri and Cookie have to say, as well as any of you others who are game.

Ciao.

Thanks for the birthday wishes. I am officially 30.

And I sent my Mama flowers today.

I finally got my sun on Monday. I got much more than I did the entire time at the lake because I totally dumped Ryder on my mom. I'll admit this for two reasons, the first being that I realized she's one of the few people I trust completely with him (other than my husband). The second being that since it was a holiday and a bonus day of sorts, I didn't feel guilty cutting into her time off work. Not that she would ever complain; she loves her time with the boy.

So anyway, I am now crispy. I tried to take a picture of my crispiness but for some reason no photos taken w/my camera phone at the office come out right -- they're all blurry, maybe from the lights? However, as you're all aware, I can take photos in the restroom. I'm not ready for another bathroom shot just yet.

I don't mind being crispy, and I actually sort of like it, but I hate when I forget to put sunscreen on my lips. I get sun blisters when I don't. It sucks, but at least they don't itch or spread like fever blisters, and at least I don't look like Katie Holmes. You know the photo I'm referring to, surely.

To say that vacations with an infant differ greatly from vacations taken prior to the birth of a child is to state the obvious. This was a family vacation, and there were many relatives to watch over Ryder should we choose to take a bit of time for ourselves. Even still, gone are the days of laying poolside for hours or frolicking in the lake til dusk. There was help, yes, but see, I'm a mother now, and I wasn't comfortable leaving the baby at the main cabin and just heading off. In this case, out of sight simply isn't out of mind. I worry when he isn't with us, so we often hauled him along ... to the pool, doused in SPF 45 lotion, for no longer than 30 or 40 minutes at a time, on the pontoon boat sitting in the few seats that remained under the shade of the umbrella top. I missed a carefree feeling that seems to have evaporated from my life.

That's not to say we didn't have a good time, because we did. And Ryder had a great time. It was nice to see family, to meet our newest nephew, to eat big meals at the main house. Two things that did lure me away from the boy: the jet ski and skee ball. I abandoned the child briefly, leaving him in the care of his grandparents, to join my husband on a tour of the lake, which was surrounded by hills and trees. And we hit the strip for a couple of hours to indulge in a bit of competitive 10-cent skee ball. Ten cents per game, people -- how can you beat that?